Turnabout Taco
by Clutter Monster
Summary: This is why you don't fill in blanks with taco. You end up cross examining one.


_Original trial was done over posts, and it needed to be turned into a fic. Don't own anything in it or profit in it._

_All characters, locations, names, evidence, quotes that are from the series belongs to Capcom_

_Judge Raos belongs to Raos because that's who wrote him .O_

_Melody Wright belongs to Melo.  
_

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11 AM

District Court

Courtroom 4

"All rise for the case of the State vs. Melody Wright," the bailiff said. "The honorable Judge Raos presiding."

"If no one objects, the trial will proceed as is normal for a von Karma. Perfect evidence, perfect witnesses, perfect defeat for the DA," Prosecutor von Karma smiled and bowed, figuring that the trial was in the bag.

Melody slammed her hand on the desk and pointed across the courtroom. "If you couldn't beat Phoenix, what makes you think you can beat me?"

Franziska merely wagged her finger at the defendant. "Because, everything is perfectly lined up, there are no surprises in the testimony, and most importantly, you aren't Phoenix Wright."

"Because Phoenix doesn't fail," the Judge stated, throwing his own opinion into the court.

"Of course not, I'm smarter," the defense replied.

The judge silenced the banter by putting on a beard and declaring the trial's start. The case had actually begun now.

Franziska nodded and began with the Prosecution's opening statement. "The Prosecution is ready, your Honor. What about the foolish defense?"

"I'm not foolish," Melody muttered. "The Defense is as ready as it can be," she said in a louder voice.  
"Prosecution, your first witness," the Judge stated with a frown.

"The Prosecution calls to the stand, a taco that was at the scene of the crime."  
There is a slight delay as the taco takes the witness stand.  
"Name and occupation?" asked Franziska.  
"Mister Taco, and I am a taco."  
"Testify to the court about what you witnessed."  
The taco took a deep breath before testifying. "We were sitting in the bag, me and the victim. Then this hand grabbed the victim and pulled him out of the bag. Then I saw chunks of the victim fall back into the bag with this horrible crunching noise."  
"Thank you witness."  
"Can I cross-examine the witness now?" asked the defense, not objecting to why a taco's word was being used in a court of law. "You saw a hand?" she questioned, looking at the testimony. "Whose hand was it Mr. Taco?!" she asked in the usual overdramatic tone that accompanies most Gyakuten Saiban cases.  
"Well, uhh, it looked like yours, but I guess it could've been anyone's," stated the taco. Meanwhile, the Prosecutor's hand was reaching for her whip.  
"OBJECTION!" the Defense Attorney slammed her hands on the table and pointed at the taco. "You don't have eyes, how could you see whose hand it was?"  
"OBJECTION!" Prosecutor von Karma cracked her whip at the taco. "Witness! Demonstrate to the court, your seeing ability."  
The taco shifted from left to right until an eyeball rolled out from underneath the lettuce. "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?" the witness asked, only to be whipped across the shell.

"My God's right there," the defendant stated, pointing to a silver haired man in the audience…. OBJECTION! If it could've been anyone's hand, how are you sure it was mine?"

"Uhhh…well…uhh…it could've been anyone. But it wasn't. I saw something decisive.

Again came the annoying finger wag from the Prosecution, "Ready to give up, Ms. Wright?"  
"Not…yet," Melody said offering the Prosecution a quick glare, before addressing the witness. "What was this 'something decisive'?"  
The taco took another deep breath. "Well I saw the hand, but I saw the other hand too. It was petting a heart plushie. LALALALALA I ARE TACO OM NOM NOM."  
"Goddamn tacos," came a comment from the audience.  
"OBJECTION!" the defense went through the motions again. "Am I the only one in the world who owns a heart plushie?"  
"OBJECTION!" yelled Franziska. "The plushie was found at the crime scene with the defendant's finger prints on it."  
"How come I wasn't told this? I never drop my plushies, especially the heart ones, and what does 'LALALALALA I ARE TACO OM NOM NOM' have to do with anything?"

Melody's paralegal that was not mentioned till now began speaking in Mia Fey's voice. "There's something odd about this witness. Since when do tacos have eyes and talk?"  
"I ARE TACO. I SEE THINGS," the witness replied with a smile.  
"O-OBJECTION! Stop ruining my case, you stupid taco!" Prosecutor von Karma flinched, looking worried about her choice in witnesses."  
"You aren't really a taco are you?" the defense asked, hoping to put an end to the taco's lies.  
The witness smiled, and then exploded, ending its testimony. Instead of looking shaken by this, Franziska merely wagged her finger at the defense again. "Well, it appears you ruined my argument, but foolish attorney this is far from over. I have another witness."  
"Oh really? And just who might that be?"  
There's a brief pause as the next witness takes the stand.  
"Name and occupation," the Prosecutor asks.

"Chinami Miyanagi. My occupation is a ghost." The girl states this with a smile, winning over the gullible audience. "May I testify now? I was at the Tres Bien Taco Emporium minding my own business. The lawyer over there ran in and grabbed a taco. She ate it right in front of everyone, murdering that poor, poor taco. And that's what I saw, the defendant alone with the victim." Chinami sighed, her eyes welling up with tears, as the crowd began booing the defense.  
"OBJECTION!" Melody held up Mr. Taco's testimony. "Alone was I? But Mister Taco said that he was there, in the bag. WITH THE VICTIM. RIGHT BEFORE HE WAS MURDERED. What now? Oh burn."  
The witness grabbed her parasol and frowned. "Uhh, I couldn't see the other taco."  
"OBJECTION! I will not have you badgering my witness, Ms. Wright."  
"That wasn't badgering, that was taunting," the attorney turned back to the witness. "I spot contradiction…if I ate it in front of everyone, how was I alone with the victim?"  
"Let me fix my testimony," the ghost said, smiling again. "By alone, I mean at the counter of course. The restaurant was hardly crowded,"  
"OBJECTION!" Melody stared at the earlier testimony and decided the first statement bugged her. "Minding your own business…? So…you weren't actually paying attention to the people around you, correct?"  
Despite the cries of "Get out!" and "Leave the poor girl alone!", Chinami managed to make herself heard. Flicking her hair back and gazing at the defense with disinterest she plainly stated, "Well that's really none of your business now is it?" As she finished speaking, five locks appeared over her.  
"I'm sorry dear, but I'm afraid it is my business. TAKE THAT!" The DA presented Magatama she "borrowed from Phoenix Wright. "Can you tell me what you were doing at the…Tres Bien Taco Emporium?"  
"As I said before, it's none of your business. Why do you think I was there?"

Being unable to see the locks, Prosecutor von Karma had no idea what was going on and was passing the time by cutting Gumshoe's salary.  
"To…um…I don't know. Why isn't it my business?" the defendant asked with a frown.  
Franziska looked up from her calculations and cracked her whip, striking Chinami. "Witness! Stop being foolish and wasting the court's time."  
Chinami flinched and muttered something about being there to eat 'delicious tacos.'

The Judge blinked and looked around. "I DON'T WANT TO KNOW, EVEN THOUGH I'M BEING TOLD WHAT'S HAPPENED." Apparently he had fallen asleep during court.  
"………But if you were eating tacos, then why aren't…you…being accused of tacocide? By the sound of it…you had more than one…where, supposedly, I only had one," the defense inquired, ignoring the Judge's outburst.  
Chinami smiled again, but still kept her annoyed tone. "I'm not on trial though am I? You are. For murdering the poor taco."  
Meanwhile, Franziska was busy searching her desk for her godmod whip to kill time.  
"TAKE THAT!" the defense shouted, presenting food from the Tres Bien. "This stuff tastes like crap. Were you really eating it?"  
Chinami's eye twitched as she realized she wasn't going to be able to explain that away. The locks broke as she clung to her parasol yet again. "Like I said, it's none of your business, but if you must know, I guess I could testify.

"Then by all means, testify."

"On the night before my execution, they gave the last meal. It was horrible food from the Tres Bien. I contracted food poisoning. So why was I there? Revenge."  
The crowd stopped its muttering to try and grasp how Chinami was testifying if she had been executed.  
"Revenge?" Melody asked.

Chinami toyed with her hair again, bored with the trial already. "Yes, revenge on those who poisoned me. I possessed a customer and was going to poison that chef, when the police showed up to arrest the taco murderer."

Franziska cracked the godmod whip and somewhere, Morgan Fey was struck across the face. "You fool, you ruined my perfect trial by foolishly giving birth to this foolish fool," she muttered.  
The DA blinked in surprise, unaware that Jean was both chef and proprietor of said establishment, "That's not very nice. It's not his fault he fails at cooking. It's whoever hired him or let him start a restaurant's fault."  
"But I couldn't poison him because the damn police arrested me."  
"OBJECTION!" The shout was accompanied by the courtroom doors flying open as a taco stood in the entryway. Speaking in Mia's voice the taco addressed the witness. "You finally understand Chinami. You cannot beat me! Even if it takes a lifetime, no, even in death, you cannot win! You shall be forever in shame in front of me! This is the punishment you cannot escape from. You are forever Chinami Miyanagi, the existence that is powerless to win! There is no escape. The day you were executed was the day your narrow bridge burned down! BITCH GET THE FUCK OUT OF MAYOI NOW!"  
Chinami screamed as she vanished from the courtroom, leaving a very tired looking Maya Fey on the stand. The prosecutor was silent for a few seconds before whipping Melody. "WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"

The Judge slammed his gavel and looked at the DA. "Ms. Wright, please show to the court who you think actually committed the crime because I have all the evidence I need to declare a guilty verdict."  
The crowd was silent having witnessed an exploding taco and the pwning of a ghost bitch already; their minds were still recovering.  
"TAKE THAT!" shouted Melody, presenting a picture of Ryu, a random person in the audience. The courtroom remained silent, while Melody explained the motive. "She's been killing tacos for ages, and she framed me for payback for one of the many times I've killed her."

The Judge shook his head, appearing disgusted at the defense's lapse in logic. "…Ms. Wright, you're a disgrace to the court system. I've seen enough. I DECLARE THE DEFENDANT, MELODY WRIGHT, GUILTY."  
Melody was dragged off the bench for detainment and sentencing. Franziska bowed, quite content with her 'perfect' victory. Ryu wondered how she had been dragged into this. The Judge went on to yell at a certain red boat. And Maya became notorious for the Great Taco Genocide.

Turnabout Taco

End.

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed it. Brain cells lost are nonrefundable. _


End file.
